| | 15838 | | So he knows how i feel but it doesn't matter.
this hope i have of us ending up together impedes my relationships with others. i dread the say that i will come to him and say "i met someone." part of me thinks he'll be sad and disappointed and think that i never meant it when i said he was the one...but part of me thinks he's had almost 20 years to do something about it so it should come as no surprise that i might find someone else.
it's difficult for me to accept the fact that he doesn't want me and that's why he hasn't chosen to be with me even though i've said i wanted to be with him. it's difficult for me to accept the fact that he loves me...just not that way.
i wonder if i could ever be with anyone else. i can. i have been. but not completely. not wholeheartedly. and i wonder if it will always be this way. if i will stay alone because he doesn't want to be with me.
half the time it makes me sad, the other half it makes me feel like i should just say something. i see the texts we send, i am so careful in choosing my words...so careful in everything i say..."speak! just say something!" i think that all the time. but i can't. i just cannot.
and while all the things i need to say remain unspoken, years go by and i cannot find comfort in anyone else, because my heart belongs to you. | | | | |
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