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  15882   everything broke loose. i said 'we'll be ok.' that was my first thought - we'll be ok. i was so ashamed of myself, and i said something that upset you - i said i'd tell you and then said i wouldn't. emails. no context. you said you're playing fucking games with me - but i wasn't, i was just so ashamed but it was too late, you cut me off, i couldn't tell you. i emailed a dead email every day for a long time hoping you'd show up one day. i called it the digital beach. i was imagining being marooned along, throwing messages out and they'd wash up again at my feet. every day i think about you.
 
 
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