| | 10533 | | What kind of pisses me off is my mother did not prepare me for life as well as she could have if she hadn't been so interested in men more than being a mother. I needed guidance. I'm angry that my friend's parents saved for their college and my mom didn't. She didn't tell me anything about going to college or SAT's. I needed to know these things. She went to college. Why wasn't I important enough to her to make sure I would have the skills to take care of myself as I got older? She acted like my existence was such a drag on her, a burden- yet the minute I thought I was doing just what she wanted- LEAVING- she threw a damn hissy fit and acted like it was the worst thing in the world. You can't IGNORE someone and then say HEY YOU CAN'T LEAVE. If you don't care whether or not I'm there and when you make it clear men are more important to you than anything else, then she should have been happy as hell to see me go. But by fleeing the house at a young age, I had to jump from one burning ship to another- and what I REALLY needed was GUIDANCE. I needed her to show me the way and she WOULDN'T. She would only follow wherever the DICK was and she only liked me if her boyfriends liked me- and some of them did- in the wrong way. But most guys she picked hated kids- so she hated me too. I hate her for bringing me into this world and then acting like I was some uninvited annoying house guest that wouldn't leave. SHE'S the one who spread her legs. I DIDN'T ASK TO BE HERE. Now look at me. Look at the mess I am in. What I hate is knowing my friends are probably doing way better than I am. I bet they are all happy, married, financially stable- and I'm not. And I hate the bitch for chasing me out of the house rather than fulfilling her obligation to help me learn the things I needed to know to be a productive person. I do the best I can with what I have- but I want more out of life. I wish I could have had a normal life- a stable one. I'm fighting tooth and nail with what I have but I seriously think of just…ending it. After all I've been through it is TIME for shit to let up on me. | | | | |
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