| | Thank you -- Message flagged. | | | 10535 | | i honestly wish i could get a girlfriend. shit. | | | | | 10534 | | i day dream all the time about being able go back in time.. i wish i could | | | | | 10533 | | What kind of pisses me off is my mother did not prepare me for life as well as she could have if she hadn't been so interested in men more than being a mother. I needed guidance. I'm angry that my friend's parents saved for their college and my mom didn't. She didn't tell me anything about going to college or SAT's. I needed to know these things. She went to college. Why wasn't I important enough to her to make sure I would have the skills to take care of myself as I got older? She acted like my existence was such a drag on her, a burden- yet the minute I thought I was doing just what she wanted- LEAVING- she threw a damn hissy fit and acted like it was the worst thing in the world. You can't IGNORE someone and then say HEY YOU CAN'T LEAVE. If you don't care whether or not I'm there and when you make it clear men are more important to you than anything else, then she should have been happy as hell to see me go. But by fleeing the house at a young age, I had to jump from one burning ship to another- and what I REALLY needed was GUIDANCE. I needed her to show me the way and she WOULDN'T. She would only follow wherever the DICK was and she only liked me if her boyfriends liked me- and some of them did- in the wrong way. But most guys she picked hated kids- so she hated me too. I hate her for bringing me into this world and then acting like I was some uninvited annoying house guest that wouldn't leave. SHE'S the one who spread her legs. I DIDN'T ASK TO BE HERE. Now look at me. Look at the mess I am in. What I hate is knowing my friends are probably doing way better than I am. I bet they are all happy, married, financially stable- and I'm not. And I hate the bitch for chasing me out of the house rather than fulfilling her obligation to help me learn the things I needed to know to be a productive person. I do the best I can with what I have- but I want more out of life. I wish I could have had a normal life- a stable one. I'm fighting tooth and nail with what I have but I seriously think of just…ending it. After all I've been through it is TIME for shit to let up on me. | | | | | 10532 | | You don't miss me- I'd like you to- but you can't. you don't have any feelings. You play out feelings how you think OTHER people THINK you should. That's why you change your tone and attitude depending on who you're talking to. You agree with EVERYONE. You have no mind of your own. You're what's called a narcissist, guy. You don't miss me, you miss the illusion that was created when we were together, that's all. You didn't like me, and you never wanted to be with me- you just wanted the illusion to feed your ego. I wanted someone to love and love me back. We were completely off the mark for each other. I was never important to you- your addiction was important. Your conscience was missing like that kid that was born with no arms. If it ain't there, it ain't ever going to be there. And unlike that kid who could get prosthetic arms, there ain't no prosthetics for a conscience. It was never there and it will never BE there. You'll never feel anything for me because you can't. I just wish I hadn't wasted so much time finding out. | | | | | 10531 | | I am wealthy and my family - is not. I don't have much to do with them. They think it is because I 'have all this money' and that I'm suddenly I'm too good for them. It's not that. It's their poverty of mind, their negativity and their cruelty towards themselves and each other I can't stand. And I don't want my kids anywhere near it. I didn't even come into money until just before two years after I moved out of state to get away from them all. I didn't speak to them hardly at all then either- so why are they blaming 'the money'? | | | | | 10530 | | Years of bottled up stress being semi-vented in dot-jot form:
-I'm following a career path that's way out of my league and doesn't even interest me all that much.
-I had sex for the first time about a month ago with a girl from school who apparently has had sex with a whole heap of other guys and I get made fun of daily for it, still.
-I was way too drunk to be deciding if I wanted to have sex with this girl at all, which I wouldn't have if I was sober
-It ended up lasting over an hour and a half and I never came
-I had sex with the girl knowing full well that I have mysterious lumps on my penis that may or may not be ectopic sebaceous glands
-I've had the lumps since I was 11 and have never seen a doctor or talked to anybody about it.
-I hate playing school sports too, but everyone at school will get mad at me if I don't try out because for some reason I'm good at sports.
-I've been wanting to quit my job for about half a year now but I don't want to because everyone there likes me and would be mad if I quit, the only reason i want to quit is because i don't have time for it but that doesn't matter, my life is crammed anally, hardly no room for fun.
-I feel like the world is forcing me to grow up way faster than I can handle.
-I have so many friends that I don't like, but I pretend to be nice to them every day
-I can suck my own penis but every time i do it i feel like shit, i don't know why i keep doing it
-I secretly don't want anyone to read this because i hate showing my feelings
-I'm absolutely positive i'm in love with a girl who i've only had about 2 decent conversations with, i want her everyday and it takes everything in my will to avoid thinking about her because it hurts knowing that she's not remotely interested in me, and even if she were i wouldn't work out because we're going to different schools in different parts of the country.
-I wish every day that i wasn't fucking high the first time i met her, she tried to talk to me and wanted to be a great friend of mine, but i couldn't take my eyes of the fucking t.v. and now we're nothing but acquaintances and i long for her every day. | | | | | 10529 | | I just DID it....AND IT FELT FANTASTIC | | | | | 10528 | | I wish i talked to Nick more. He's a pretty k-rad person. We used to be good friends. I think he just got too cool for me. | | | | | 10527 | | I'm afraid i have very few friends. i live on a college campus as a first year and for the first semester i was doing well, talking to everyone and going on fun little outings. but now as the year is ending most people are moving out and none have even asked me if i would like to live with them in apartments. people who i once thought were my friends are joining their own small groups of friends and i m left with nothing. i have no small group of friends, everyone has left me and i feel so lone.i hate this. my only consolation is that someone will read this, that im not just bottling this up inside.as im writing this i hope to god one of my so called friends will knock on that door and ask me to hang out or to do something. but they dont even seem to want me as a friend let alone as someone to live with them. why is this happening to me why do i feel so bad.i want to end my life because it is not happy, i am not having a good time. but My family, the only people who seem to care about me would b so dissapointed. if only there were some way to end this. i hate being lonely. i hate this.. | | | | | 10526 | | It's my birthday. I didn't tell anyone. | | |
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| | \di·vulge\, v. i. 1. To make known (something private or secret) 2. Archaic. To proclaim publicly
the idea is for anyone to anonymously confess to anything. it actually feels kind of good to know that someone will read it.
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